Thousand Oaks Remembers

How do you comfort a parent who has lost their child to gun violence? What do you say? What can we do to put an end to gun violence in this country?

Everyone is familiar with the Boston Massacre, yet that happened almost 250 years ago. Do you know how many people were killed at the Boston Massacre? Five. Five people, yet it was called a “massacre” and we all learned about it in our classrooms and remembered the event. Gun violence is so prevalent these days that if we hear that “five” have been killed, we almost breathe a sigh of relief. We might even think, “Whew, only five.”

These days we can no longer name all the schools and the concerts and the movie theaters and the churches and the temples and the malls and the worksites where massacres have taken precious lives because they just keep happening again and again and again. It’s now a common occurrence to “check-in safe” on Facebook to let your family know you are out of harm’s way.

After the mass shooting at Borderline Bar and Grill, some kids from California Lutheran University (CLU) were hanging around the church office where I work, trying to seek comfort and offer comfort to their friends. The students were bright and beautiful and sad and young. They were saying things like, “We don’t want any more ‘thoughts and prayers’ we want gun laws that will end this.” While the students were there at the church office we received the emergency alert telephone call telling us to evacuate. This little community of Thousand Oaks didn’t even have time to properly grieve because the two fires literally started the same day we heard about Borderline and everyone had to quickly pack what they deemed most valuable and flee.

Two church members came to the church and said, “We were just evacuated so we came here.” A few minutes later, another church member called to say, “If anyone is evacuated, they can come to our home.” Because I work at a church, I do get to see God’s presence amid the chaos of tragedy. Right after we received the evacuation order telling us to go, there was a car accident in front of the church, that (combined with all the people who were evacuating) caused bumper-to-bumper traffic that stretched for miles in all directions. It took me over four hours to drive home to Ventura from Thousand Oaks that night. The traffic was so bad, people were actually stepping out of their cars, stretching their legs, and then getting back into their cars. I didn’t realize until many hours later that there were two fires.

A few days after the Borderline massacre, a woman named Karen Jackson called the church. She said she had graduated from Thousand Oaks High School and from Cal Lutheran many years ago. She met her husband at Holy Trinity Lutheran Church. Now she lives in Connecticut and she was a teacher at Sandy Hook Elementary. She wasn’t at Sandy Hook the day of the shooting, but her godson was there. He hid in a closet. Karen told me the shooting and the fires in Thousand Oaks were really hitting her hard and she wanted to reach out to us.

The people from Sandy Hook have not recovered from their heartache after their children were massacred. They are still grieving. She said December is especially hard for them. Karen attends a Lutheran Church and the women there make quilts for people who have lost a loved one during a mass shooting. They understand the grief and this is their way to reach out, offer some comfort and let people know they empathize. This is how they love.

Even though many young kids these days are saying they’ve had enough “thoughts and prayers” we will still continue to pray for the families who lost the person they love that night at Borderline. We will continue to ask God to give them comfort and peace. We will remember them.

Karen told me after the shooting at Sandy Hook, they were told not to speak about it to the press. In hindsight, they regret not speaking up. The kids from Florida spoke up after their mass shooting. They survived the massacre in Parkland and then formed March for Our Lives. They were awarded the 2018 International Children’s Peace Prize. Those teens visited the people in Sandy Hook to offer empathy, comfort and love. Their primary message is, “Love one another.”

There was a time, about one hundred years ago when people wore mourning clothing or mourning jewelry so others would know they were suffering. Maybe we should bring that back into style. If every parent who lost a child wore a certain piece of jewelry or a certain colored armband, would that raise awareness?

Karen sent four quilts made by the women at her church in Sandy Hook to four people at Holy Trinity Lutheran Church. Their hope is that the people who are grieving can wrap themselves in the warmth and the knowledge that someone cares. Someone understands.
Karen sent a quilt to Desta Goehner to take to Justin Meek’s mother. Justin recently graduated from CLU and would sometimes attend Holy Trinity with his family. Justin’s mom told me she graduated from CLU with Justin and they “walked” together during graduation.
Karen sent a quilt to Monse Miranda and he took it to the Thousand Oaks Police Department for the family of Sean Adler. Monse told me Sean had a coffee shop and would offer free coffee everyday to all police officers.
Anne King took one quilt to her neighbors, the family of Telemachus Orfanos. When I met Tel’s mom, she told me she has the quilt on her bed.
Jen Padberg is a teacher at Honey Tree. She took one quilt to Jake Dunham’s mom, Kathy. Kathy is a nurse at Los Robles Hospital and she waited all day long that day for the “all-safe” text from her son, but it never came. All the teachers at Honey Tree wore “Thousand Oaks Strong” T-shirts to show their love.

I watched the Dorcas Quilting Circle women at Holy Trinity make quilts for the students at CLU who were grieving. That’s how they show their love. People from all over made quilts for those students, those kids who are bright and beautiful and sad and young. Those kids who lost their friends that night at Borderline. I heard CLU asked for 200 quilts.

Kathleen S.